smokin'

I've been craving a cigarette for a couple of days now...

That's what happens when you go 'cold turkey' I guess... again

I didn't want to buy any - I gave up on1 September and have had 4 since then, whilst out drinking. 3 of them were on the one drunken evening.

So imagine my surprise at finding 2 of them in a cigarette tin sitting on my bookshelf. I was just moving it out of the way and had no idea there were any in there.

I have had 1 now. It tasted awful, has made my head spin and I'm not sure my guts are coping well but at least that craving is over now. Aah but there is still 1 more there and I know its there, wonder how long it will take me. Better smoked and gone than sitting there tempting me.

crush 2009

It's a dangerous beast but I have been enjoying chatting about all this stuff so as manic as it might appear, it's kinda good to get it out - sometimes I just need to get it out!

so - a post about my 1st crush, a quick drivel question and onwards to today....

crush 2009 - even if you don't know who you are :) - I guess you have strong arms judging you by your sporting activities, so tell me, do you want to hold or be held?

drivel

does anyone actually read this sort of hidden drivel?

1st crush 1980

I have caught up with a friend via email in the last 12 months - I say friend when in fact we were in the same class in high school some 28 odd years ago. We were never really friends - but she was my 1st crush.

We first contacted via that school reunion website about this time last year and then sent a couple of emails that fizzled out when she suggested we meet for a drink.

I was then contacted by another high school buddy via facebook and got to thinking about 1st crush again (i shall continue to call her 1st crush) and so I have emailed her again and its only been a couple of emails but suddenly I'm thinking I should stop.

This is my 1st crush - this is like some long ago fantasy, mythological creature, john hughes flick! It would be destroyed by reality - she can't possibly be as fabulous as the girl / woman I conjured in my head - the one who was the lead character in many of my short stories. Why do we I want to spoil that myth?

Truth is I don't. She may well be equally if not more fabulous than the woman I conjured in my head but I doubt it - so 1st crush - it was fun finding out a little more about you but that's quite enough!

Tuck and Patti

Tuck and Patti have been performing for over 20 years and I have been aware of them about that long.

 

I got their first CD “Tears of Joy” in the year it was released and I loved it and them.

 

I have 5 of their CDs – though I seem to just have the cover of one of them so presume that the CD remains in the car of an ‘ex’. I introduced Tuck and Patti’s music to the ex.

 

Speaking of said ex – I have never seen Tuck and Patti live and they have been to Australia at least once.

But the ex took the girl she was sleeping around with to see them, whilst we were still together! I know it’s been over 5 years but the bitch in me says “I bet she doesn’t love the music like I did!”

 

Anyway this isn’t meant to be about past bitterness – this about sharing Tuck and Patti with you all – find them – there is a lots of live footage on you tube – despite video recording via telephone Patti’s voice is amazing – my favorite track “In My Life” – by Lennon & McCartney – ya know those 20^th century poets I mentioned yesterday.

 

Here’s a peep:

Listen to them – they are worth it

 

MInd altering Shakespeare?

So I quoted William on FB today, as follows:

"Doubt thou the stars are fire, Doubt that the sun doth move, Doubt truth to be a liar, But never doubt I love." Hamlet Act 2, Scene 2

And it was suggested I was heavily medicated, and hey, I am but...

That's my fave quote, it indicates to me that love is serious, I'm telling the world that my love is serious, I am serious, seriously! :) Okay so maybe I am a little medicated.

Next I'll be quoting those great poets of the 20th century, Lennon & McCartney...

gallish attitude 15/09/09

* wrote this in hospital bed in notes on iphone as I struggled to download blogger app direct.

I have a crush, actually I have a few but most I don't take seriously. Only 1 I believe might be real...ish!

My first issue is that we work for the same organisation and I have a rule -
"I don't do the crew!". I have never actually 'done' the crew, though there has been potential and I have also seen how doing the crew has damaged many a professional relationship so hence the rule.

Secondly when I first came across her - I didn't actually like her much. However the like factor was fairly influenced by others which I usually try to avoid but failed miserably in this case - I believed the hype or lack of it. So far things don't look so good huh?

I had a dream about her - and yes it was a sex dream. And yes, I know sex dreams are normal - but sex dreams with people you are not particularly thinking about are not. I only see her randomly - maybe twice a week and only in passing and for a few minutes to say hey how ya doin etc, and I'm pretty sure I hadn't seen her in the week I had the dream so I could not for the life of me work out what the trigger was that made it her.

I came to the conclusion that I was just opening doors. So the door opened and...

I still only see her maybe once or twice a week but I have noticed she seems to have become more confident in talking to me, I don't know if that is because I am scary or she lacks confidence generally, but I am a little 'puffed up' and proud that she is warming to me. Each time I see her she thinks of new things to discuss, mostly about me playing golf but it means she's thinking about the connection I guess.

So here's the deal - she plays her cards very close to her chest, I have no idea if she's gay much less interested in me. I have googled her (not much to find I'm afraid) and we have had a little more conversation. I am not totally selfish I have asked her a couple of questions. And it's been a while since I've done this and I am feeling a little kicked about in that arena,

It was only 5 years that I was a bit of a player, certainly not scared of being shot down. But now I feel so uncertain of how and where to take the next step. I think I'm gonna have to bite the bullet and ask her out for coffee and see what happens.

All I know is I smile, I get great pleasure of seeing her fleetingly once or twice a week for a few brief minutes. I like it. It's gotta mean something doesn't it?