bah humbug and all that guff!

ah christmas eve, and preparing for the pretense that is christmas - note the lack of capitalization - have never been fond of xmas. I love my family, Mum & Kat are the best (and Dad & Stephen & Nana RIP), so I don't need the silly season to remind me how good they are... I know and tell them frequently (and include gifts when inspired).

so worked a half day, shared a bottle of wine with my colleague, and now home and contemplating drinks with friends.

So now I need to consider what 2010 might bring...

More, better golf - have had a lesson and another scheduled for 5 Jan to help improve things - it's a start but I need to practice!

Job - hmmm - a consideration for sure....

Love life - hmmm again - crush 2009 is definitely a no-go - she has a man and it seems to suit her - and I'm not strong or saucy enough to offer anything else... so just gonna let that go

and urgh it's xmas - that's enough for now - at least it will be quiet at the office next week!

feedback wow....

I have just received an anonymous comment on my last post, thank you whoever you are…

So with the power of blogging via email – I update

Struggle has pretty much passed, it needed a cathartic moment, I had it, and it will never be spoken of again however it did involve a few stray tears, something I usually only do during movies or really sappy ads LOL so I obviously needed a serious eye cleanse… and it’s done. I guess that just makes me human, dammit! It did trigger a return to smoking though and I really need to make that give up decision again! Soon…

So things have been better, I am playing golf again which I obviously missed and I very much both enjoy and need. I’ve played 2 x 18 hole games including one at Metropolitan which was awesome and though I played more erratically than usual and only amassed 15 points, I enjoyed reminiscing about following the women the course at The Australian Open last February. It’s cool that our minds allow us to recollect events and situations that we have experienced previously and relive some of that joy. I really did enjoy watching the women’s golf. And though last week I saw Tiger play the OZ Masters at Kingston Heath and was impressed and amazed by all the brouhaha (is that how you spell it?), I enjoyed watching the women’s golf much more.

I keep track of the women’s LPGA via twitter and on Facebook and was chuffed to see Michelle Wie win her 1^st pro title – well done Michelle. I also watch it on fox sports when I remember to look it up! Still keeping my eye on Katherine Hull too.

Final golf mention perhaps. 3 more matches for the women’s golf network this year – Patterson River, Heidelberg and the xmas function at Malvern Valley. Kaz, Sarah & Jude have all joined the network so hopefully we will all participate in the xmas team event even if it is the day after orphans! I’ve booked anyway!

Anne & Wayne came over for the golf last weekend, and though Anne & I went to the golf on Thurs morning we spent the rest of the weekend on gastronomic and shopping adventures. I had a really cool weekend and felt like I had a mini vacation too. Thanks Anne! They kindly bought me some outdoor win glasses and some nice new stemless ones, thanks for being such lovely guests. Now I will have to drink more wine.

Went to Knowledge Management roundtable event on Thursday at the zoo. Was really cool getting back into that mindset, sharing ideas with fellow KM practitioners and learning about how we all can better collaborate to achieve in our workplaces. I twittered some thoughts as the day progressed as did some of my peers. Check out the tweets here…

In between loading Windows 7 and MS Office 2010 beta on my PC, which I think’s pretty cool btw, I received an email from the KM lecturer at RMIT asking if I was willing to participate in both semesters next year as well. Vanessa said the feedback had been really good on my 1^st session which I conducted in September and she would like me to do it again! Hell yeah! It’s even got me thinking about it now… and it will be until April LOL.

I am missing watching Dollhouse, loved the concept and the place it was heading and disappointed its been cancelled but still looking forward to seeing the remaining 9 episodes in December.

Finally, Crush 2009 update – so hmmm, it’s definitely still there. We have sorta vaguely socialized over a group lunch, and it only further cemented said crush however I am going to remain a complete wuss and not doing anything further. Though in my head I keep thinking I should risk a phone call to ask if it would be appropriate for me to ask her out for dinner! Won’t happen though.

So at the mo, life is good and I really can’t complain. Have recovered really well from gall bladder surgery and am eating and drinking most things – though I do know when I am consuming something that little bit too fatty! Did daughterly duty today and popped into the market stall at Mum’s church at her bequest, did some grocery shopping, now to washing and housecleaning followed by 2 eps of Glee which I have downloaded. That’s if I stop playing with Windows 7. Golf tomorrow and it won’t be too hot and then golf again on Friday at my cousin’s club. Oh and work!

Thanks again anonymous for your feedback – next time don’t be such a chicken and leave your name!

Lyn

struggling

I struggled to motivate myself today - to go to work, to go out and be social, to participate - so I didn't!

As for the crush, I am no closer, in fact further if the rumoured boyfriend is true. Ah well - it's not like I've much to offer anyway...

Won't stop me from my vague and pathetic attempts at internet stalking - I knew where she was this last week - semi international sporting event - and did quite well from the results. But I won't mention it.

Wonder if I will be brave enough to invite her to lunch with another colleague and I - can't hurt trying anyways.

We shall see.

smokin'

I've been craving a cigarette for a couple of days now...

That's what happens when you go 'cold turkey' I guess... again

I didn't want to buy any - I gave up on1 September and have had 4 since then, whilst out drinking. 3 of them were on the one drunken evening.

So imagine my surprise at finding 2 of them in a cigarette tin sitting on my bookshelf. I was just moving it out of the way and had no idea there were any in there.

I have had 1 now. It tasted awful, has made my head spin and I'm not sure my guts are coping well but at least that craving is over now. Aah but there is still 1 more there and I know its there, wonder how long it will take me. Better smoked and gone than sitting there tempting me.

crush 2009

It's a dangerous beast but I have been enjoying chatting about all this stuff so as manic as it might appear, it's kinda good to get it out - sometimes I just need to get it out!

so - a post about my 1st crush, a quick drivel question and onwards to today....

crush 2009 - even if you don't know who you are :) - I guess you have strong arms judging you by your sporting activities, so tell me, do you want to hold or be held?

drivel

does anyone actually read this sort of hidden drivel?

1st crush 1980

I have caught up with a friend via email in the last 12 months - I say friend when in fact we were in the same class in high school some 28 odd years ago. We were never really friends - but she was my 1st crush.

We first contacted via that school reunion website about this time last year and then sent a couple of emails that fizzled out when she suggested we meet for a drink.

I was then contacted by another high school buddy via facebook and got to thinking about 1st crush again (i shall continue to call her 1st crush) and so I have emailed her again and its only been a couple of emails but suddenly I'm thinking I should stop.

This is my 1st crush - this is like some long ago fantasy, mythological creature, john hughes flick! It would be destroyed by reality - she can't possibly be as fabulous as the girl / woman I conjured in my head - the one who was the lead character in many of my short stories. Why do we I want to spoil that myth?

Truth is I don't. She may well be equally if not more fabulous than the woman I conjured in my head but I doubt it - so 1st crush - it was fun finding out a little more about you but that's quite enough!

Tuck and Patti

Tuck and Patti have been performing for over 20 years and I have been aware of them about that long.

 

I got their first CD “Tears of Joy” in the year it was released and I loved it and them.

 

I have 5 of their CDs – though I seem to just have the cover of one of them so presume that the CD remains in the car of an ‘ex’. I introduced Tuck and Patti’s music to the ex.

 

Speaking of said ex – I have never seen Tuck and Patti live and they have been to Australia at least once.

But the ex took the girl she was sleeping around with to see them, whilst we were still together! I know it’s been over 5 years but the bitch in me says “I bet she doesn’t love the music like I did!”

 

Anyway this isn’t meant to be about past bitterness – this about sharing Tuck and Patti with you all – find them – there is a lots of live footage on you tube – despite video recording via telephone Patti’s voice is amazing – my favorite track “In My Life” – by Lennon & McCartney – ya know those 20^th century poets I mentioned yesterday.

 

Here’s a peep:

Listen to them – they are worth it

 

MInd altering Shakespeare?

So I quoted William on FB today, as follows:

"Doubt thou the stars are fire, Doubt that the sun doth move, Doubt truth to be a liar, But never doubt I love." Hamlet Act 2, Scene 2

And it was suggested I was heavily medicated, and hey, I am but...

That's my fave quote, it indicates to me that love is serious, I'm telling the world that my love is serious, I am serious, seriously! :) Okay so maybe I am a little medicated.

Next I'll be quoting those great poets of the 20th century, Lennon & McCartney...

gallish attitude 15/09/09

* wrote this in hospital bed in notes on iphone as I struggled to download blogger app direct.

I have a crush, actually I have a few but most I don't take seriously. Only 1 I believe might be real...ish!

My first issue is that we work for the same organisation and I have a rule -
"I don't do the crew!". I have never actually 'done' the crew, though there has been potential and I have also seen how doing the crew has damaged many a professional relationship so hence the rule.

Secondly when I first came across her - I didn't actually like her much. However the like factor was fairly influenced by others which I usually try to avoid but failed miserably in this case - I believed the hype or lack of it. So far things don't look so good huh?

I had a dream about her - and yes it was a sex dream. And yes, I know sex dreams are normal - but sex dreams with people you are not particularly thinking about are not. I only see her randomly - maybe twice a week and only in passing and for a few minutes to say hey how ya doin etc, and I'm pretty sure I hadn't seen her in the week I had the dream so I could not for the life of me work out what the trigger was that made it her.

I came to the conclusion that I was just opening doors. So the door opened and...

I still only see her maybe once or twice a week but I have noticed she seems to have become more confident in talking to me, I don't know if that is because I am scary or she lacks confidence generally, but I am a little 'puffed up' and proud that she is warming to me. Each time I see her she thinks of new things to discuss, mostly about me playing golf but it means she's thinking about the connection I guess.

So here's the deal - she plays her cards very close to her chest, I have no idea if she's gay much less interested in me. I have googled her (not much to find I'm afraid) and we have had a little more conversation. I am not totally selfish I have asked her a couple of questions. And it's been a while since I've done this and I am feeling a little kicked about in that arena,

It was only 5 years that I was a bit of a player, certainly not scared of being shot down. But now I feel so uncertain of how and where to take the next step. I think I'm gonna have to bite the bullet and ask her out for coffee and see what happens.

All I know is I smile, I get great pleasure of seeing her fleetingly once or twice a week for a few brief minutes. I like it. It's gotta mean something doesn't it?

the last 6 months

the last 6 months or so have been a struggle. I knew it; I recognised the signs of depression but just wasn't strong enough to remove the dark cloud that hung over me. However I also recognised the signs that meant it could be worse. As long as I was eating, all could be okay. However, at home, alone, I avoided reality by hiding on the internet, reading short stories, playing games - but I wasn't writing.

Writing is something I do when I am in my darkest moments but I couldn't commit to that. I couldn't even commit to my study - dropped out of 1 class and barely scraped in a pass in the other.

So now - now I am feeling better, not 100% but better. I have a couple of health issues - need to have the gall bladder removed - should only be an overnighter. However I spent a week in hospital with pancreatitis and during my stay spent mostly on morpheine on fluids I had a dream, a good one and I think its a basis for a novel...

so the desire to write has returned - now I have to buckle down and do it - as well as work, uni and golf :0 kinda nice to be busy again!

coming out on grey's

quote from grey's anatomy - season 5 ep 6 "Life's a war"

"When I was a kid, I would get these headaches. And I went to the doctor and they said that I needed glasses. I didn't understand that. It didn't make sense to me because I could see fine. And then, I get the glasses and I put them on. And I'm in the car on the way home, and suddenly, I yell. Because the big green blobs that I've been staring at my whole life? They weren't big green blobs – they were leaves… on trees. I could see the leaves.

And I didn't even know that I was missing the leaves. I didn't even know leaves existed. And then… leaves! You are glasses. I am so gay. I am so, so, so gay. I am extremely gay!"


What a cool gay revelation -
I actually connected with Erica's spiel however I was also telling her to shutup - I was yelling at the screen, with my mother and sister close by, ' shut up now, you are ruining it - don't say anymore' but alas it was too late - I can't control the characters - nonetheless a great coming out story!