gallish attitude 15/09/09

* wrote this in hospital bed in notes on iphone as I struggled to download blogger app direct.

I have a crush, actually I have a few but most I don't take seriously. Only 1 I believe might be real...ish!

My first issue is that we work for the same organisation and I have a rule -
"I don't do the crew!". I have never actually 'done' the crew, though there has been potential and I have also seen how doing the crew has damaged many a professional relationship so hence the rule.

Secondly when I first came across her - I didn't actually like her much. However the like factor was fairly influenced by others which I usually try to avoid but failed miserably in this case - I believed the hype or lack of it. So far things don't look so good huh?

I had a dream about her - and yes it was a sex dream. And yes, I know sex dreams are normal - but sex dreams with people you are not particularly thinking about are not. I only see her randomly - maybe twice a week and only in passing and for a few minutes to say hey how ya doin etc, and I'm pretty sure I hadn't seen her in the week I had the dream so I could not for the life of me work out what the trigger was that made it her.

I came to the conclusion that I was just opening doors. So the door opened and...

I still only see her maybe once or twice a week but I have noticed she seems to have become more confident in talking to me, I don't know if that is because I am scary or she lacks confidence generally, but I am a little 'puffed up' and proud that she is warming to me. Each time I see her she thinks of new things to discuss, mostly about me playing golf but it means she's thinking about the connection I guess.

So here's the deal - she plays her cards very close to her chest, I have no idea if she's gay much less interested in me. I have googled her (not much to find I'm afraid) and we have had a little more conversation. I am not totally selfish I have asked her a couple of questions. And it's been a while since I've done this and I am feeling a little kicked about in that arena,

It was only 5 years that I was a bit of a player, certainly not scared of being shot down. But now I feel so uncertain of how and where to take the next step. I think I'm gonna have to bite the bullet and ask her out for coffee and see what happens.

All I know is I smile, I get great pleasure of seeing her fleetingly once or twice a week for a few brief minutes. I like it. It's gotta mean something doesn't it?